Posts tagged: politics
I’ve been out with a lady a couple of times this week to investigate whether she would make a suitable sexual partner. Here are my findings:
- She is attracted to tall, feeble-minded men with poor manners.
- Is under the impression that four-inch stilettos should be factored into the height equation, as she is perpetually equipped with such.
- Violence is an important quality in a relationship, the more choking the better.
- Cheating is equally acceptable, especially if homes are wrecked in the process.
- Drinking yourself to the point of liver failure every time you are presented with alcohol is how you win at the bar.
- My personal favorite: she’s “ethnically observant”, which I gather is a euphemism for “tragically ignorant” or “fraught with overt racial prejudice”.
In her defense, she is rather well-read. Not to mention physically attractive. A few of the above are absolute boner killing dealbreakers though. I do not care how nicely your dimensions fit with my definition of beauty should your soul be a barren place.
Other news: We gradumicated last night, which was awesome. Even more awesome = a slideshow of pictures where I crouch over mannequins, magnificently bearded, in a Where’s Waldo?esque shirt. I was awarded the honor of “Most likely to end up on reality TV” & provided with a Littman lightweight stethoscope, something I now have two of. We were all issued cute Res-Q-Me tools for breaking car windows & cutting seatbelts. There was cake.
Then karaoke. & booze. Fill in the blanks.
I suppose I should get a job now. Taking an 8 hour security guard class on New Year’s Eve, getting my pistol permit on the 21st… I figure if I grab all sorts of qualifications I can land a position doing something in this soul-sucking state. Supposedly Sikorksy is hiring EMTs with gun permits for “police” positions which pay 80k, more than enough cash to finance my desire to volunteer overseas part of each year. You sit in a booth & wave to people all day. C’mon, what a sweet deal.
The fire department is hiring too…but they get around 1000 applications, so the chances are pretty slim I’ll be selected for New Haven’s rescue team. Should February pass without decent work I’ll be moving on.
Suggestions, as always, are welcome. Especially if you know someplace I can work for room & board.
Experts are looking for a reason behind Tuesday afternoon’s unlikely 5.8 magnitude earthquake that shook people up and down the East Coast, and some are saying that a recent rise in fracking could be the culprit.
Hydraulic fracturing, or “fracking,” is the man-made splintering of underground rocks to expedite the exploiting of natural resources. It’s become a widespread phenomenon since its introduction in 2004, and though the practice can help increase supplies of oil and gas without reaching out internationally for imports, the result it can have on the geological make-up of the Earth can be ravaging. Now some experts say the rise in fracking could be to blame for yesterday’s quake.
If this is true, it’s just another reason to hate fracking, other than this.
It’s not a coincidence that the epicenter of the quake was 1km underground in mo’fuckin MINERAL, Virginia.
To the Ivy alumni returning this weekend for their reunion:
It has been ten years & nothing here has changed. New Haven withers on the vine. We are hungry, drunk, & addicted. We are dying young & overworked, so great is the divide between classes. Next time, come back with some answers or don’t come back at all. The last thing we need is one of you “important” people getting killed by the big bad city & her penniless inhabitants. Wouldn’t be good for business, that enterprise being the seduction of undergraduates to spend four years in a castle surrounded by squalor.
Soon another wave of potential students will crest & break upon the streets, color coded for easy identification. They will wander about the town, being picked up by the university police if they venture beyond the walls of their fortress. There are two cities here, the Campus & the Ghetto. Don’t lose your travel papers.
