Posts tagged: love
when you wilt I will love you
and we will mix when you crumble
we’ll disintegrate and blow away.
To my love,
We are unattached & drift loosely a few thousand kilometres apart, tethered by telegraph wire. Hurried conversation shoved in edgewise. Daylight savings time delays, marvelling at how the rotation of the planet has changed your mind.
You are so fucked up & I am so fucked up for feeling anything close to this for you.
I know it is wrong to miss you.
I know it is wrong to be angry with you.
Ambivalence would be callous. Concern is wasted at this distance.
Do my platitudes satisfy your need for an imaginary boyfriend?
Are you my Morrissey-esque girlfriend in a coma?
My love, I am crazy for you. It is too damn bad you’re just going crazy out there.
Suspiciously yours,
Samuel
edit:
For historical context, I’ll leave that there. I await her letter & write phantoms for her in the night when I am wishing my hardest. That perhaps this was not such an auspicious mistake. That anybody could have fallen for the beauty I see in her.
I back away slowly from the train wreck, talking myself out of it. We live in a society that takes a dim view of caring for people who are fraught with mental infirmity. Those who are saddled with the plight of addiction & the painful steps to recovery deserve our love & respect.
Are we so afraid of being hurt that we abandon these people to those strangers far away at the halfway house? Do we stop writing them, stop picking up their phone calls, because we are helpless in the face of their adversity?
Or is it because in our secret, shameful reflections we know they have been judged & found wanting. Thrice cursed by family, associates, & the community.
To expect our relationship to continue after all of this would be unrealistic. She will be a different person when the fever breaks. I will have aged considerably in the interim.
But dammit I will still be her friend.
She could use some of those.
According to Wikipedia.
with D minor.
standing on the precipice of oblivion - it seethes
with the bones of all the innocents buried right below our feet
I made acquaintance of a Southern girl: her hair was honeysuckle sweet
& just the saddest smile behind a midnight veil
she said her name was “Defeat”
arachnoid harness & hollow eye sockets
believe you me…
burned our draft cards
yet here we are
still stricken soldierly.
Sidled up against the bellows I was sickened by the heat
but with iron ideas we fashioned tools for war
they were extensions of our teeth
& in the hallowed halls of Republica
there died my dreams of liberty
there’s no turning back if you follow me
baby where do you stand if not on your feet?
Tahrir now. Friday 25th November
Raise your hand if you fucking love Egypt.
How to take back everything.
Commie love.
Flight to Newark was canceled on Monday… so I took the SEPTA to Drexel & partied with my brother Philip & his menagerie of lady friends. He took me on a whirlwind tour of the city the next day (including a genuine cheese steak for lunch). I may or may not have been singing the Fresh Prince theme song constantly.
There is a place where you can be free of us “category A and B cultural Marxists/multiculturalist traitors.” We the colored, the atheists, & the Muslims. Those who wear the yellow robes of Buddha or hang a rosary above their bed. All of us who look & think differently from you violent/psychotic/angry groups & individuals.
The name of this place is tolerance. We do not parade with guns through your neighborhood hunting racists or fascists. We are tolerant of your bullshit.
That’s the difference.
I am a community monkey. Hanging around, exploring the forest of personalities a city provides, searching for ripe fruit… these are how I spend my days. There is a lot to be said for solitude; I’m just not going to talk about that right now.
How we react to other people interests me. This constant whirlwind of communication our modern world allows has sped up the rate at which we exchange all kinds of information. The old system of yelling or waving your hands from the top of a tree to call your friends was not terribly efficient. Now we can cut to the chase (or what is left of it). This means courtship has evolved. Competition is fiercer than ever.
Relationships at this stage in my life are sort of weird. I think women see me as a liability because I’m deeply involved in my own activities. Between a full time job, school during the day, volunteer work on my days off, & studio stuff at night my life over the next two years is going to be difficult for somebody to work their way into. Maybe this is an argument for having less involved interactions with more people rather than more meaningful ones with fewer individuals. I have been very successful in my personal development as a single man. The more I lean on others for support the harder it gets to keep promises to each other. Lightweight love for a skinny lifestyle, I suppose. Certainly I do not make the assertion that tons of NSA encounters will do me or anybody a lick of good. But I believe that if I were to enter into anything verging on a relationship with somebody it would have to be with the express intention to keep all the doors open. What’s yours is mine insomuch as you decide to share, but be generous.
You do what you like, who you like, where you like, whenever. I will proceed to kick ass in my particular corner of the universe. When we feel the desire to match orbits, let us do so in the spirit of friendship & mutual respect & maybe love. Instead of hanging on to that feeling we must resolve to understand that it is a constant river of affection we are drinking from. One should not dam it up, divert it, try to harness its power, or pollute it when all you have to do in order to enjoy the taste is cup your hands.
So much of our lives we spend fighting against that current. I am interested in somebody who wants to make peace & float with love instead.
asdf
bless my soul, I’m out to destroy them.
Say Anything - Death For My Birthday
(somebody take this album away from me before I regress to childhood completely).
